National Breast Cancer Foundation, Inc.

Alot of u know me ive been here long enough !!! I was diagnosed june 2007. I was on the roller coaster ride by july. I remember the dr saying to me with tears running down my face ( this will be the worse year of your life but the rest will be like walking on cake) well now it is April and the flowers are sure blooming. When i first found out i couldnt believe that i could ever get the c word i never was a sick person, i was mad so f mad. I shaved my head before the chemo treatment just to take control so i didnt have to watch the cancer take it. I had to look at chemo as my friend not my enemy because it was going to help kill this desease even though it was poison. I was diagnosed a stage 11b , estrogen positive , and i chose the most aggressive treatment because i had to many that loved me to take the chance of dieing from this. The dr plan was 4 a/c treatments then Taxater and then surgery last. Well that didnt happen i did the 4 a/c then did one of the tax and it about killed me so she took me straight to surgery. I had a full mast on the right side and all nods removed 5 out of 16 infected, now it is pretty bad when surgery is a break, gosh did it feel good now NOT to be in chemo hell and i could taste and think again just for a little while. It didnt bother me as bad as i thought it would to loose part of me that made me a whole woman. But at this point it as well was part of keeping me alive and cancer free.
Well back to the dr for more chemo now i did 6 treatments of taxatole of which i was allergic to but did anyway. God did i hurt and still do, ok great im being thrown into menapause and getting poisoned too poor hubby huh. This has been the hardest thing i think i have ever done in my life and let me tell u i have been through some hard things, i was so tired of being tired, and just hurting all the time . just now being me of course i have forgot what normal is so even when they ask u anything u want to talk about new what do u say well today add on my knees hurt i cant get up. What does it matter you are just going to throw me a pain pill. I started at 135 pounds now i am 165 ( thanks steroids ) for making me want to eat anything and everything in the house. I hated myself through the chemo because i was so snappy at everyone, no one could really understand what all of this feels like unless uhave been here. Everyone says u r not alone but u sure feel like u are even with family around u. Well my new beg has started thank you lord. I am done with chemo, surgery and on to raditaiton and then the pill. I HAVE SURVIVED , I have survived and beat this desease i am so happy that i could bust. My margins are clean and the radiation will be nothing compared to what i have gone through. The last day i walk out of radiation i will kiss the ground and say Thank you God for the blessings that u have given me. I will look at a new grandbabies face in the beg of june and i will watch him grow. Thank u God. So for u that have just been diagnosed or that are in the middle of climbing this mt that is so high i want u to know if i did it u can. As i sit here with a huge vase of pink and white carnations and can look out side at the flowers blooming i can only think of the fight i had and the way i feel now the peace that overwhelms me and the compasion that i have learned from something so evil...love and support Wanda