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Brittany

Full Name: Brittany
I Am A: Supporter
Location: Eugene, Oregon

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Where did my life go?

on 8/6/2007 at 4:38 pm in Supporters - Friends & Family

OK so I am feeling a little on edge today. I am a mom caring for my daughter, a wife caring for my husband (which basically means I am a mom of two) and a daughter caring for my mom. Where am I? It has not been very much time since my mom was diagnosed and this all started, but I already feel like I am loosing myself. I have had to take family leave time from my job and am probably going to have to quit, I am not getting much help from my husband or any family we have in town with my daughter, and my mom is unable to do much of anything which means she needs my help a lot on everyday things like showering, meals, chores, everything. My husband tells me..."Brittany you need to do something for yourself" oh yea? really? and who is going to make sure our daughter is fed, pooped, bathed and put to bed or taken care of while I do that something for myself huh? Sure in hell isnt going to be you from what you have shown me! My rope has been getting pretty short lately and after the rough weekend my husband and i had, it is hard to stay positive today. Oh yea, and we have a dog that needs to be fed and feel loved! Where does it end!!!!!!

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Get a neighbor buddy and start walking for 30 minutes a day. Not onlly is it a great stress reliever it is wonderful therapy and you get to spend time with a friend. My friend Cindy and I started doing this in March and that was before I had cancer. It has helped us both. I also agree that you need to ask for help. Be specific. I find people really want to help they just don't know how. Make a weekly list for your husband of the things he is responsible for. I find men do best with concrete facts. They are not always the best at figuring out what needs to be done. Nothing against men they just look at situations differently. Good luck and write again so we know how you are.

by Decaturjulie on 8/28/2007 at 11:56 am

I don't know where it ends. Mine is just beginning. Why can't you get help from family and friends that live around you? Have you asked? I know my sister is going to need help. She lives 2 hours away and I can go on the weekends. Her friends are helping her now with babysitting. I've already asked my 2 closest friends if they would come with me to her house and help me clean it. I'm sure that if you ask, they will help. Some people just don't know what to do. I understand the anger though. I'm sorry your husband isn't helping more.

by steveslori on 8/26/2007 at 10:28 pm

You need to slow down. Delegate those chores to your husband. Surely he can help you out. Explain to him how you're feeling. That's a lot of weight to carry on your shoulders. Stress is not healthy. Take a few minutes out of your day to decompress. Maybe take a walk, take a nice bubble bath, or just sit in a quite room for a few minutes. Best wishes to you and your family.

Take Care,

Sandra

by Sandra07 on 8/21/2007 at 3:51 pm

Oh my. Isn't there anyone that can help you? A good friend? a sister? sister-in-law? I don't know, maybe you need to ask for help. People are willing to help, just allow your self to get the help. My best wishes for you.

by Vicky on 8/11/2007 at 1:26 pm

My heart goes out to you. I've been there with my mom 11 years ago. She was advanced Stage 4 metasized to the bones. I was a working mom with two kids, a husband, two cats....it took a big toll on me. Stress is the #1 cause of many health problems including cancer. Last August, almost exactly 10 years to the day my mother died, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and have been in treatment ever since. Please take time for yourself even if it is only 5-10 minutes per hour to relax and meditate or not think about anything or think about your daughter. If you get sick....no one will take care of your mom. You are in my thoughts and prayers! Take it one step at a time.

by Jo S on 8/10/2007 at 11:00 pm

My thourghts and prayers are with you.

Mary

by luvumom60 on 8/10/2007 at 7:10 pm

I hope you have the courage to tell your hubby exactly what you wrote above! I think sometimes we have to be so blunt with men, they just don't get it sometimes. Yes, you do need to do for yourself, if you don't, you wont' be any good for anyone. Tell your hubby, that this is the date/time and how long you will be gone and that you really need him to do this for him. Do you have a local support group in Eugene that you can attend? It's worth a try - hang in there, Lori from Yakima

by Lori on 8/7/2007 at 4:19 pm

Wow, what an amazing job you are doing caring for all of these people in your life! I remember when my mom took care of my aunt during her chemo and it put a lot of stress on our family as well. Hope all is well and that your husband will realize that he needs to take care of your daughter for one night and let you have a break.

by TaylorC on 8/7/2007 at 1:50 pm

I have to add again lol.... the venting is great, i am a patient and i cant even imagine what my family is going to have to do for the next year, but it shows me how much they love me and that is what you are doing, now we all know how men are !!!!!.. i have a great husband but he still falls into the catagory of a man lol....give him the baby....put the dog outside, and get out for atleast one night....thats what i have to do and im the one with cancer, they will deal with out u for one night ...GO...because it is obvious they need u......

by Wanda on 8/6/2007 at 6:09 pm

A really cold beer !!!

by Wanda on 8/6/2007 at 5:35 pm

National Breast Cancer Foundation, Inc.

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Where did my life go?

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