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Iowa Girl

Full Name: Jennifer Gage
I Am A: Supporter
Birthdate: Dec 19
Location: Cedar Rapids, Iowa

 
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No one understands

on 9/4/2007 at 4:03 pm in Supporters - Friends & Family
My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago. I was just starting my junior year of high school. I have 3 younger sisters who at the time were 2, 5, and 11. She went through everything, surgery, chemo, radiation. It was a tough battle but we made it through it. This last April we found out that the cancer has returned and is in the bones, and liver. She has been getting chemo again and it looked like the spots on the liver are shrinking. I guess I made the mistake of thinking maybe things will actually be ok for awhile, but then last weekend we found out that it may be in her stomach now. I feel like such a baby. I cried infront of her last friday when they started talking about putting in a feeding tube. I have never cried about her disease infront of her and I feel terrible about it. I just can't handle the thought of losing her. I am only 22 years old and my sisters are only 17, 12, 8. Last time she was sick I went through it pretty much alone. My friends at the time couldn't handle it, and I was being strong for my family. This time around I have a wonderful husband and great friends but now I don't know how to let them be there for me. When ever I try to talk to them about things they get really quiet, and I know they don't know what to say to me. I feel I make them all uncomfortable. And for some reason saying it out loud makes it hurt more. I am a talker and I want to talk about how I feel especially with my husband but him just laying there rubbing my back isn't what I need. I don't know how to explain to him how selfish I feel, how scared I am, and how I don't know how I am going to go through the rest of my life with out her. I feel lost right, I am worried I am making myself sick, I am worried I am avoiding the truth cuz its easier to pretend none of this is happening. I just wish I had someone who knows how I feel or atleast understands how much this is tearing me up inside.

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Iowa, my thoughts and prayers are with you as you go thru this time with your mom. Cherish all the time that you have with her and make as many beautiful memories that you can while you can. You dont have to be the rock that you have appointed yourself to be. It is ok to have those low spots at times. That is why you have more mature siblings and a husband to lean on now. For it is my firm belief that GOD knows just how much you can bear. A lot of times it may seem like we can't but that is when he and others come in and help us thru the hard times. If there is anything I can do to help you thru the rough times I have pretty big and sturdy shoulders. You can use one. Feel free to contact me anytime. MIKKI
by MIKKI
on 9/5/2007 at 12:13 am
My mother was diagnoses with breast cancer stage IV, two months ago.
My world fell apart when I got the news. I gain 10 pounds and felt literally sick. My 17 year old daughter had to put me in check and tell me mom "what are you doing?" Don’t you want to be around for us? She was right I had to get my act together.
It is so hard to image life with out your mom that you forget what you are doing to yourself.
My advices do your best to be the best daughter and sister you know how.

I started to take care of myself. I am exercising and being the best person I know how to be to my mom and siblings. I still wake up in the middle of the night shock that my mom is so sick. For my own sake I had to learn how to live with my mom sickness without getting me sick.

Mary
by luvumom60
on 9/4/2007 at 7:23 pm
You are a very strong woman. Just because you cry and are emotional doesn't mean you are not handing this or coping well. It's a natural reaction to some very lousy diagnosis. It is good to talk and cry with your mom, kids, and hubby. I was totally honest with my kids when my mom found she had terminal breast cancer in 1994 She was only given a couple months to live. She refused any surgery, radiation and chemotherapy treatment but she did take tomaxifen. She did not want to die. She lived over 2 years. There will be times when you feel lost and worried, but try not to let it consume every moment of your day. Allow yourself time to feel the emotions which you deserve and recite the serenity prayer each day. After 10 or so minutes of crying or worrying, you must tell yourself it time to stop it because it will make you sick when others need you. Spend time with your mom and family, be honest with your feeelings in front of them, and it's OK to cry in front of them. Many advances in cancer treatment have evolved in the past six years and many many women are living years with Stage 4 breast cancer. Take it one day at at time. I truly understand. My mom died 11 years ago and I was diagnosed with breast cancer one year ago. I have two daughters, ages 16 and 22. I truly believe she is in God's hands and only he will decide it's time to go. God bless you. Please feel free to contact me any time you need to talk.
by Jo S
on 9/4/2007 at 5:39 pm
Dear Iowa-There are many people here who do understand what you are going through,and have been there themselves. My mother learned she had cancer when I was 28 with 3 babies. She was 54. It was devastating. One day she was fine,working a wonderful job, the next day she fines out she has cancer in her lungs and throughout her body. I was in shock!. My husband also pat me on the back but that didn't really help. So everyday i packed up the kids,the playpen and spent the time with my mother whether she wanted me there or not! That was how I dealt with it, and I thank god I did. Two months later so died. But I was there. It has been 20 years now, and I was diagnosed with breast cancer in August. My kids have been here for me. Use your gut feeling and do what you think is the best for you.
by catsvette
on 9/4/2007 at 4:33 pm

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