National Breast Cancer Foundation, Inc.

This is a must share story

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in February,2007 and I started the first chemo treatment on March,05. I was so sick that I had to stop work. The first treatment was on a Monday and I didn't get sick until Wednesday. I went from 149lbs of muscle to 129lbs of skinny. I finished the 8th and last treatment on June 11 and I looked like a hot mess. I lost muscle, got skinny, and gained back fat from the steroids. I looked like a fat bald headed raccoon:)

I am a fitness trainer for 11 years and I thought I was physically fit but I was no match for chemo I got knocked out in the first round :) I went back to work at the gym on July,30 . I really missed teaching and I was determined to get the weight off. I teach 3 classes a week and I even worked out on the days that I didn't teach. I worked out everyday except Sunday. I had to really encourage myself because I was so sick I could hardly get out of bed some mornings, but I didn't let that stop me. I was having trouble with balance and I was so dizzy. I feel better about the way I look now. I am not where I was before the chemo, but I am not too far away.

I had a job interview on Setember,27 with Allegiant Air as a flight attendant and I was sent to Las Vegas NV. on October,31 for 4 1/2 weeks of school. The first day of school was November,01 with a class of 33 people. The first day we each had to introduce ourself. I told my breast cancer story and told them that I was a survivor. It was hard for them to believe that it had only been 5 months since the last chemo treatment.

The first test was on November,05 I couldn't believe how hard the test was, 5 peolpe failed I passed with a 93%. The next day they were able to re-take the test, 4 failed again and were sent home. This really touched me to my soul. The next test was on November,12 and 11 people failed and I was one, I failed with a 85%, 90% is passing. I prayed so hard for everyone more than I prayed for myself we were able to re-take 2 days later. I was so nervous I couldn't concentrate, I coudln't even remember anything. I knew the material but everything seemed so foreign to me. I failed again this time with 80%. I was the only one. I was so up-set with myself but I happy for everyone else. I felt like such a failure. I was on the plane headed home 5 hours later.

I had worked in a environmental laboratory as a microbiologist for 4 years and a chemist for 1 year and I was always a good test taker. I scored high in my class when I got certified as a fitness trainer. It was the first time I admitted to myself that I need help. I remember my daughter wanted to buy me brain games a game that helps to stimulate the brain. I let pride get the best of me, I was okay I didn't need any help from a game, so I thought.

My husband picked me up from the airport in Orlando,FL. He was so supportive on the way home he told me that he knew I wasn't ready for such a challenge but he didn't want to stop me from doing something that was so important to me. I was forgetting things and I would be confused sometimes but he didn't want to tell me because he thought it would hurt my feelings, and he is probably right.

I stayed in the house for 2 days feeling sorry for myself, but I got up on the third day brushed myself off and headed to Walmart to buy that game . I am having so much fun with brain games it helps with numbers and words my husband have to tell me to put it away and come to bed.

I was blaming myself for being sick, the bills falling behind and I knew that a starting pay of $20.00 an hour would help get my family back on the right track. I hate driving and I would have had to drive 45 minutes to work and after working 14 hours or more on the days that I had to work was going to be a big challenge on the drive back home, but I willing to do it for my family.

I wanted to share my story because I know there are other women out there that are blaming themselves for something they had no control over. I know that God will never give us a load that is too heavy for us to carry. I feel it is an honor that God chose me for such a task that I may be able to help someone else along the way. I would have never thought I would have breast cancer not after I lost my mother of the same disease. I do know that everthing that God does it is always for a good reason.

I feel God allowed that door to close not because He wasn't strong enough or big enough to hold it open for me, but because He have something even greater for me. I know when the time is right I will open the door and walk right into my blessing.

For every woman out there remember that cancer is not your fault, forgive yourself, wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a big hug, love you, no one can do it better than you can and know that God loves you and He will never leave you or forsake you. Stand strong, Stay beautiful, and be a Survivor. Love, Sunshine :)