National Breast Cancer Foundation, Inc.

O.K. some of you know me...I am 6 weeks post op, double mast, found out my cancer path reports were different from my biopsy (GOOD NEWS) so, no chemo....Tamoxafen only. I am relieved and happy and living proof of early detection can save a life. So, my crusade to educate women has just started.

Why I am posting now, is to share what I learned about myself since I got breast cancer. Some can relate to me who have been living with this already, but for the new girls who are afraid to remove their breasts, loose their hair or afraid their esteme will be ruined....listen to my brief moment of discovery of myself. It is a true story that happened this past week and has changed the way I feel about myself forever.

I am/was a very large breasted woman (38 DD) I am/was somewhat attractive when I was young. I had a lot of men drooling over my looks, I thought my boobs, etc. I am 45 now, though some people think I look much older. I need to probably post a non sick photo of myself...I'll do that later. Any how, I had a bought of my life where I was single and dated a lot of men....Lots of prominent and not porminent men in my town. Through the last 13 years of being married to my husband, we ran into them often, they always were kind to me...but I felt they were always just missing me for my body, etc. I know this sounds shallow, but I am getting to a point. See, I am very smart, own my own business, etc. I am talented (professional musician) (artist) (designer)!!! The men in my life never seemed to notice that about me, so I thought. Well, to cut to the chase. My son who is 18 and a senior in high school was involved in an activity at the local county fair (which is a petry dish for all my ex boyfriends, lovers or wanna be men to hang out) I went, walked through the gate, with my new FLAT CHEST and a very anxious feeling. I almost bolted out the gate. My husband reassured me that he would guard me and I looked beautiful. However, all I though was people that knew me would stare.
Several friends, even men I knew never even noticed. Nobody gaucked, nobody did the (ouch, look) everyone said wonderful things and even my old ex's (several) said, "Hey don't sweat it, you are beautiful regardless of loosing your breasts and they weren't the most beautiful part of you...you were just beautiful." I never realized that men thought of anything but breasts and the way you look. Even my ex-husband hugged me and told me I looked wonderful and said he was glad I was there...People talked to me, like I was a human being. I began to relax my crossed arms and stood proud to be me, instead of a poor esteme, lost my boobs, I am not good enough and damaged now. That is hogwash. Breasts don't make a woman beautiful. Beauty is from within and it doesn't matter what you really look like. When it is all said and done at the end of the day, you find out how you impacted others through your walk of life. GOD knows what you offer here, GOD gives us the stregnth to get through the hard times and hopes that we do something positive with the trials we are given. I never realized how beautiful a woman I was because I hid behind my boobs. Sounds silly....BUT It was amazing to feel comfortable in my skin, truly comfortable with myself, proud to be a breast cancer patient surving this disease...Blessed that GOD brought this to my attention.
Girls, contemplating how you will feel after loosing your breasts, don't. GOD will help you get through it. It is scary, but it can save your life. It will get better and YOU are still YOU, breasts or not. Take it from Big Boob Magoob as they used to call me. I was very attached....But they aren't that important anymore. Living is. Appreciating myself is and knowing that I am not like, loved or admired for merely a superficial thing is so gratifying.
I hope I didn't bore you with this story, but I had such greif and fear before my mastectomy that I though someone who was contemplating removing their breasts might find comfort knowing that it will be o.k. I am sure most of you that have experienced this already know exactly what I am saying.
Bless everyone of you and know that every night I say prayers for each and every one of you, all my breast friends here and the ones I know personally.
Take care and thank you for all the support you have given me. I hope to be able to recipricate the same.
Have a joyous day.
Laura