<?xml version="1.0"?><rss version="2.0"><channel><title>wannabestrong's Journal RSS Feed</title><link>http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/mynbcf/members/wannabestrong/journals/rss</link><description>wannabestrong's Journal RSS Feed</description><item><title><![CDATA[Have I woke up from this nightmare yet....someday, oh someday.]]></title><link>http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/mynbcf/members/wannabestrong/journals/7944</link><guid>http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/mynbcf/members/wannabestrong/journals/7944</guid><description><![CDATA[Hi, My name is Laura and I am 45 years old. 3 children, 2 step children and 5 grandchildren. Life has been hard for me over the past 4 years, starting with a hysterectomy - leaving one ovary - in 2002, severe pain and mulitple operations over the past 5 years. I had extreme pain, like someone cut my abdomen open with a knife, it started after my hysterectomy. Pain came about every 20-25 days and lasted about a week or so. Nothing helped. My Gyno did laproscopic surgery to diagnose, cleaned up adhesions (since I had 3 c-sections) took out a rotten apendix and thought that was it. Nope....Pain Came back. Had colonoscopies (3) an Endoscopy and finally a surgeon suggested diagnostic and repairing my scars incase that was the pain. He opened me up and said my fascia wall was black with endometriosis...he took out my abdominal fascia wall and replaced it with cadaver mesh.  OH, MY LORD....I have a fake abdomen and the pain came back....this was October 2006. I hoped to be pain free, but within 3 months...It was back again and 5 times worse than before. My Gyno put me on heavy Hormones, Lupron, A-Gestin, Prometrium, etc. Well the lupron shut down my ovary and then the pain stopped. Well, why couldn't they figure that out before I had all the other surgeries and now a fake abdomen wall. 
   SO, I was scheduled to have my surgery removing my last ovary and lift my bladder and clean up the endometriosis that was present on Dec. 6, 2007. I went for my pre-op testing and had my yearly mamo at the same time....
   Surgery went well and I was home recovering for 2 days when I got the call that my mamo was bad...I said, "Bad, like it was unreadable or there was something wrong with the film." The woman on the other end of the phone said, "I can't discuss that with you, you'll have to speak with your doctor."
   My doctor said he was unimpressed with the calcifications that showed on my mamogram, his wife is an oncology radiologist doctor and he would run it by her. She didn't think it was anything to worry about, then sent me to a surgeon for another opinion. The surgeon said, "I don't think there is anything to worry about but, I wouldn't bet your life on it." When I argued Why, then WHY SHOULD I TROUBLE MYSELF WITH A BIOPSY??? He calmly said, "let's just get the biopsies to have peace and put it behind us." 
   I had bi-lateral biopsies and it wasn't painful or as hard as I struggled with. It was fairly simple and painless. A pinch. I went home and felt pretty sure I was fine. NO WORRIES.
   Then, the next day, FEB. 1st. I had an appointment to get my post mamogram and when I walked in, the women couldn't even look me in the face. I knew, I knew something was wrong. They sat me down and it burst out of my mouth..."I have cancer, don't I?" She said yes, you have a malignancy. I felt that all the air had sucked out of the room. I almost screamed, but hysterically cried....my husband came in and we both cried together. I think the air sucked out of his world too.
   I had already an apt. with my surgeon the next day, so when I went, I brought support. My Father and My Mother, My best friend (who had cancer twice) and My Husband....it probably freaked out the doctor when he walked in the room and saw the posse in front of him. He never looked at his watch, acted rushed or even lost his patience as all of us bombarded him with question after question. He told me I wasn't a candadate for lumpectomy because of the DCIS that was scatter throughout and the lobular carcinoma that they weren't sure if it was invasive, due to the biopsy. I asked him, "If I was your wife, what would you do?" He clearly told me have a mastectomy....I had one week to research and make my decisions. I chose to have a Bi-lateral because I was 38DD and after meeting with the plastic surgeon about reconstruction...and mainly because I didn't want to ever here, "YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER" ever again. 
   February 11, 2008...10 days later...Surgery Came and Went and I came home 36 hours after surgery with some heavy little drainage tubes and granades hanging from my sides...I actually came home wearing my hospital gown and the nurse gave me a couple to have at home.
I was in so much pain, I could not believe they let me out of the hospital....But, they tell me I was lucky to have stayed that long.
   I could not escape the pain, until 1 week later when my doctor changed my pain medicine. It felt like barbed wire wrapped around my chest and those tubes, the incision on the sides, they itched and hurt and the sucking feeling, the nerve endings and the phantom pain....I thought I would loose my mind.
   21 days later, I had my tubes out. That was a story in itself. The left breast tube had started to heal inside and it stretched and stretched and I passed out before the got the tube loose. But, the pain did go away quickly. Guess what....I felt so much better before I got to the car. Better than I have since my surgery. 
   It was like night and day...I went home, rested and then the next day I was on the treadmill, moving freely and finally realizing I AM getting better. I really AM getting better. I no longer am in pain and uncomfortable...just uncomfortable. 
   I have met lots of new Cancer friends from this site and now feel that I can share and be there for those who are JUST feeling the moment when the air was sucked out of the room. I can hold someone elses hand and let them know it will soon pass and you can cry on my shoulder, just like those who expressed that to me 26 days ago. I feel stronger and more couragous than I have before and know that GOD has been with me this whole time and will continue to carry me when I have had enough. 
   Cancer, that ugly word. It is amazing how it was just an Ugly word and nothing more...until you have to live with it. It is now Your Life.  AND it is great to be alive.
It is surely great to be alive.
God Bless all of Us]]></description></item></channel></rss>