Written by Kelsey Mora, Certified Child Life Specialist (CCLS), Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC), Chief Clinical Officer at Pickles Group, and author of The Dot Method: An interactive tool to teach kids about cancer.
Find additional free resources for families facing cancer at nbcf.org/parents.
When a loved one is diagnosed with breast cancer, they may experience physical and visible changes as a result of treatment. When these changes occur, kids in the family may be scared or surprised because they don’t understand what is happening. Depending on your child’s age, you can prepare and support them by sharing details about the medical aspects of their loved one’s treatment in honest, age-appropriate language. This preparation can help them understand not only what they will see and experience, but also how treatment may affect them and their daily routines.
Below, you will find honest, compassionate guidance for explaining common medical experiences throughout the breast cancer journey. All example explanations can be adjusted based on your child’s age, developmental level, and understanding.
The first terms children need to understand about breast cancer are often very basic—including the word cancer itself. Below are examples of how to explain basic breast anatomy and cancer terms in child-friendly language.
“Cancer happens when some cells, which are what our bodies are made of on the inside, in the body get damaged and those damaged cells spread around. The damaged cells are in my breast, which is around my chest area. Cancer is not contagious, and it is a different type of sickness than a cold or the flu.”
For families who are not comfortable using the word “cancer,” you can say something like, “Some cells inside my body are sick/damaged/broken.” However, keep in mind that kids may hear or see the word “cancer” elsewhere, and it can be helpful for them to have clear information directly from their trusted adult.
“Breasts are the soft body tissue on the chest area. During puberty, when a child grows into an adult, most girls and women develop breasts as the tissue on their chest grows and changes. Boys and men also have breast tissue, although it is usually flatter and less noticeable. Breast cancer happens when cancer cells begin growing in the breast tissue.”
Kids often learn best by using the anatomical words for body parts, so consider using the word “breasts” rather than “boobies,” “tatas,” etc. While breasts are typically private, they are a part of the body and can be explained as such.
“Lymph nodes are the small parts of the body’s immune system that help filter germs and other unwanted cells. Groups of lymph nodes are spread throughout the body, including under the arms near the breasts. Doctors may check, test, or remove lymph nodes near the breasts to see whether cancer cells have traveled there.”
If you or a loved one is facing breast cancer, your child will likely hear the names of tests and other terms related to diagnosis that can sound scary. The following are examples of how to explain some breast cancer testing and diagnosis terms to children.
“A mammogram is a special x-ray that takes pictures of the breast so doctors can look for changes they can’t see from the outside of the body. Beginning at a certain age, many women start to have regular mammograms to check for breast cancer and to stay as healthy as possible. Someone may also have a mammogram if they notice an unusual lump, bump, or another change in their breast that needs to be checked.”
“An ultrasound is a test that uses sound waves to create pictures of the inside of the breast from the outside of the body. A technician applies special jelly on the skin and moves a small handheld tool over the breast while looking at the pictures it creates on a computer screen. An ultrasound can see if there is anything out of the ordinary growing inside the breast.”
“Scans are special pictures of the inside of the body that use different types of machines. They help doctors look for cancer cells, learn more about the cancer, and see how treatment is working over time.”
“A tumor is a clump of cells. It may show up as a lump or bump in the breast and is what needs to be removed and tested. In breast cancer, a tumor is usually a clump of cancer cells.”
“A biopsy is when the medical team removes a small piece of tissue or part of a tumor so it can be tested under a microscope in a lab. This helps doctors determine whether the cells they removed have cancer in them and, if so, the best way to treat them.”
“Doctors sometimes use the words stage and grade to describe breast cancer. These words help describe where the cancer is, how large it is, and what the cancer cells look like under a microscope. This information helps the medical team choose the best treatment and better understand what to expect.”
“Metastatic is another word for Stage 4 breast cancer, which means the cancer cells have spread to other parts of the body. While metastatic breast cancer usually cannot be cured, meaning they cannot get rid of the cancer cells forever, there are many treatments that can help control the cancer, reduce symptoms, and help someone live as long and as well as possible.”
For more about sharing metastatic breast cancer information with children, read How to Talk to Children About Breast Cancer Recurrence and How to Explain That Someone Isn’t Going to Get Better.
Breast surgery is the most common treatment for breast cancer and may happen quickly after a diagnosis. Below are simple ways to explain different types of breast cancer surgery to children, and how a loved one’s breast surgery may affect their life.
For very young kids, it is important to help them understand that a parent who has surgery may be sore and cannot lift or play with them in the same way after surgery. They need to know it’s not their fault; it just means their parent needs time to heal and feel better.
“Surgery is when the medical team (doctors and nurses) gives the person a special sleeping medicine called anesthesia and creates an opening in the skin to treat something inside the body. There are several kinds of surgeries that can take place to treat breast cancer.”
“A lumpectomy is a type of surgery where the lump of cancer cells is removed from the breast. It usually leaves most of the breast intact. While I’m healing from the lumpectomy, I may not be able to lift you up, drive, or do some other regular things. But it’s temporary, only for a short time.”
“A mastectomy is a type of surgery where one or both breasts are removed from the body. After a mastectomy, a person may have more surgeries called reconstruction surgeries where their chest area is rebuilt to help with recovery, appearance, and healing. When someone has a mastectomy, they will need time to heal and recover. This may mean they are more tired than normal and can’t do some things, like hold heavy things, drive, cook, or sleep in the same position. This is not forever, but it can feel hard or different when it’s happening.”
“After a big surgery like a mastectomy, there is a lot of fluid and sometimes blood that needs to drain from the body. This helps the body heal from the surgery. I will have tubes and pouches to help collect the fluid for a short time after the surgery. I may wear special clothes or equipment to be comfortable while I have the drains at home. The drains are temporary and are removed once the body no longer needs them.”
“A port is a device placed under the skin, usually on the chest area. Once it’s placed under the skin, you will see a scar and bump. When I go to the hospital or clinic for treatment, the medical team uses the port to give medicine, fluids, or to perform tests by hooking up a small tube or catheter to the port through a needle. The port stays there throughout treatment to make things easier on the medical team and me.”
Once treatment, such as chemotherapy, radiation, or hormone therapy, begins, kids may start to have more questions as changes in their loved one become more evident. Below are examples of ways to explain different types of breast cancer treatment to children.
“Treatment is a word for all of the different ways that doctors try to get rid of cancer cells. Surgery is one way to get rid of cancer cells. Sometimes, a person may also need medicine, including things like chemotherapy, radiation, and hormone therapy. All of these treatments are given differently. Some are given through a tube in the arm or chest (port), some are taken by mouth as pills, and others are given using a special machine that directs high-energy beams at the cancer. They all have the same job: to get rid of as much of the cancer as possible and prevent it from coming back, growing, or spreading.”
For ways to explain specific types of treatment to kids, read What to Expect When a Parent Has Breast Cancer.
“Because the treatments and medicines I take are so strong, they can sometimes affect healthy cells and cause things called side effects. That means that I may look or feel unwell for a while before I feel better. The medicine I take is different from other types of medicines that make someone feel better right away. If someone has a lot of side effects, the doctors can also treat those side effects to help them be as comfortable as possible during treatment for their cancer.”
“Hair loss is a common side effect of cancer treatment. It happens because hair is made up of fast-growing cells. The treatment, usually chemotherapy, can accidentally affect some healthy, fast-growing cells, including the cells that help hair grow. My hair will eventually grow back after treatment, but I may have thin hair or be bald for a while. Some people choose to cut or shave their head when it starts happening. They may also wear hats, scarves, or even wigs. Others may be comfortable with their bald head until treatment is over.”
Remember, children don’t need every medical detail. They need truthful information that helps them understand what they will see, hear, and experience, while feeling safe enough to keep asking questions as treatment continues. You will likely not need to cover all of these terms, and certainly not all in one conversation. However, it can be a useful resource as questions, changes, or opportunities arise throughout treatment.
NBCF is here for parents facing cancer; you are not alone in this journey. For more free resources to help guide children through a parent’s cancer diagnosis, read:
In addition to NBCF, there are other groups dedicated to the emotional well-being of children and families who have a parent facing cancer. Below are a few organizations to consider partnering with on this journey.
National Breast Cancer Foundation is here for you—and your family—as you navigate a breast cancer diagnosis. Visit our website to learn about NBCF breast cancer support groups, obtain free educational resources, or find a patient navigator in your area.
Donations are always appreciated, but there are lots of great ways to get involved.
